Michael “Zo” Tozzolo

Random Cup Virgin

(+1100) The newest victim…errr…..participant in The Random Cup is a heralded Maryland degenerate that had the great misfortune of befriending a few current Random Cup vets. A member at Random Cup Maryland’s training and recruitment facility, Musket Ridge Golf Club, he is coming into the 2024 Cup with high hopes and, being a first timer,...little to no chance of actually winning. While there is a fuzzy resemblance to Dustin Johnson (just squint and trust us), a more appropriate moniker would seemingly be “Bustin Johnson” from the looks of the strain on his last struggling belt hole. Body shaming aside, Zo has been hand picked by the Recruitment Committee to be a part of the greatest event in sports and he’s heading to Pinehurst to win and break the RC virgin curse. If he manages to pull off one of the greatest upsets in sporting history, the high odds will produce a solid payday!

UPDATE: Zo has been putting in some solid practice rounds in anticipation of his first shit show. Using a “shoulder injury” as an excuse, he has been able to most avoid the gauntlet of press and paparazzi that usually follows a Random Cup virgin but you can’t fade the Vegas sharps and the real story is he’s been stroking more balls than a one-armed porn star.